The Earth-Toned Pill

My employer recently announced a health incentive program they are introducing called Virgin HealthMiles, which happens to be another sub-company of Richard Branson's all-consuming Virgin global brand.

What does this mean to me? Well, from the basic information I've read and discussed with co-workers, participants of this initiative will be signed up, tested, and receive items such as a USB-capable pedometer that will help track our progress on the way towards a healthier, move productive life that (not coincidentally) also helps the company pay less in overall healthcare costs because it's employees are leaner and happier.

So what's the motivation for me to let my company pry into my personal health?

MONEY.

Supposedly, if I am able to meet some goals at the end of each year, I will be eligible to receive up to about $450 from the program! Its a pretty cool idea, but over a year $450 is really just a drop in the bucket. For me to really 'give it my all', there has to be something more.

Enter Fantasy Fatball...*

My friend at work Sean is highly competitive and is also apparently a gambler from the Cosmo Kramer school of action:

We talked quite a bit at work once information about HealthMiles came out about how it would be cool to get a little friendly bet going amongst people in the office, a sort-of 'Biggest Loser' kind of deal that would give people interested a little incentive to try harder to reach their goals... While taking people's money if they won.

This quickly evolved into a mano-a-mano showdown between Sean and I, winner take all, with a total pot of $600 going to the winner at the end of 6 months. The 2-man aspect of this came about because, frankly, I'd rather not get an office-wide gambling thing going for HR to get antsy about. They love me here at work, but the pink slip monster is something I'd rather avoid in this current economy. In the end, a $600 showdown between Sean and I would work just fine.

Yes, things got that stupid that quick.

The program officially kicks off Monday, so on that day we officially begin our self-inflicted misery and decide on what the final requirements for a win will be. I have to admit, Sean has me a bit psyched-out. Kramer Sean is a master competitor and it will be everything I can do to keep pace. Overall, here is the way we stack up as I see it:

Sean

• Apparent ability to easily adhere to extreme diets
• Ability to quite Coke 'cold turkey' (the drink, moron...)
• Willingness to stay through till the end
• Highly competitive nature

Jonathan

• Ability to workout until I puke myself unconscious
• Military-instilled disregard for my own personal safety in order to reach a goal
• Ability to embrace purging as a legitimate weapon in my arsenal
• Total lack of concern where self-deprecation is mentioned

Once you really start comparing us by those facts, I think it's easy to see who the winner is... And in case you still can't figure out who to support, always go with the man willing to hurt himself in order to win. Doesn't mean I want or plan to, just means I'm willing to do it if it gives me an edge.

Next post I'll discuss the unclassified parts of my contest-winning strategy!

*This term was originally coined by Sean Raines. Any unauthorized use of the term is prohibited.