The Earth-Toned Pill

For those that don't know, from Thursday to Sunday morning this past week I had the honor of being a part of my great friend Jonathan (yes, same name) Axtell's bachelor party. This was an event unlike any I've participated in before, because instead of going to a local strip club and getting drunk, we went out in true style and booked a 3-night cruise that included just under a day in the Bahamas.

There were a total of eight of us in the group, and the trip began with all of us meeting up at the port to board. We booked our trip on the Carnival Sensation, and this was my first time on a Carnival Cruise Lines boat. Once we boarded the boat, we got situated in our two rooms where 4 people each were bunked. My army instincts kicked in pretty quick, because I grabbed a top bunk before anyone else even walked into the room. The rooms themselves were small inside cabins, with the most notable feature being the awesome window to nowhere that was basically a recessed wall with a cheap curtain in front of it. I've heard of mirrors being used to give the illusion of depth in a room, but a curtain on a fake window? Whatever. Negative points for the boat on that one.

After checking out the rooms, we went up to grab some food to pass the time until our baggage got dropped off. Getting our baggage would prove to be a crucial event, as all of our smuggled liquor bottles were illegally hidden deep within our bags. After we ate a decent lunch up in the main cafeteria area located by the pool on the upper deck, we checked things out a bit more and then went back down to the rooms to find our bags waiting for us in front of our doors. To our surprise, all of our bottles successfully ran the blockade and not one was confiscated. Jon's best man Jason also managed an awesome coup de main when he bribed tipped the room steward to 'overlook' our alchohol, prompting the guy to come back with another bottle for us! Points to Jason, us (for slipping the booze in) and the room steward (for bringing us more)!!

So by this point, we started tearing into the booze like wild animals and within a short amount of time several of us were a few shots in and counting. It was also around this time that Jason introduced his now-infamous gag gift, called 'Meme the Midget Love Doll' (complete with full-length edu-tainment DVD). Several incriminating photos later (which I say cost us a point), we continued drinking until most of us were pretty well lit and in a fine mood. The rest of the first day was spent eating, hanging out, and checking out entertainment venues like the casino, where (the other) Jonathan seemed to have Lady Luck at his beck and call, Pretty Woman style.

By early on the second day, we were pulling into the Bahamas while I was doing my morning workout run on the ship's jogging track. Once we pulled into Nassau, we first went to the Atlantis Resort. This place was a gigantic, beautiful, high-dollar place that seemed like something right out of a book. We checked this place out for awhile and gambled a bit, and I walked away with a few bucks extra from playing the slots (thanks to Jonathan's prompting and bankrolling). After a while, we took a cab back to the tourist area near the ship and checked out the Hard Rock Cafe there and got the hook up through our friend Giovanni, who also happens to be a designer for them! The meal was great, and after that we checked out some shops and made our way to Senor Frogs for half-yardstick drinks. While drinking at 'the frog', I followed Gio, Ray and Larry into the water to swim around near the bar with a few female tourists from our boat that were also there. This was fun until we were all told to get out, lest we step on the poisonous fish known to be hanging out in the area! Later on, it was verified that this was actually true and not just a ploy to get us out of the water. It was fine though, because the girls were ready to get out anyway after some old pervert wouldn't stop shooting video of them in their bikinis from the bar.

old dude + video camera + female college students in bikinis = creepy situation

Stay tuned for my next post about the last part of the trip!